Attending a Richmond match in the Members Reserve just adds one more bit of turmoil and conflict to the proceedings.
Like I needed it.My image of the Richmond supporter is a figure pushing the proverbial uphill for all eternity, looking for hope but never trusting it. We’ve set up camp in no-man’s land and taken the barrage for it.
Somehow, the easy comforts and privilege of the hallowed sanctum are wilfully lost on me.
Anyhow, Friday night of Round 20 of a depressing Richmond season and I’m a guest of honour for my cousin Bridget’s 18th birthday celebrations held in the Members’ Dining Room. Bridg is an effervescent, bubbly Tiger whose sunny optimism flies in the face of my seriously twisted predisposition.
Bridg, Aunty Therese and a couple of Bridg’s school mates are in tow tonight. They are from a disparate mix of footy tribes but share a swooning love for 150-gamer Dustin Martin and his virile bad-boy appeal. What His Dustiness thinks of this is unknown.
Bridg and Therese are MCC members so this whole Members’ Dining Room thing is an easy but nonetheless pleasant part of going to the footy. Certainly, they don’t give the impression that they ever endured the soul-searching self-examination I’m going through as we pass that magnificent mural of the MCG’s best historical moments.
I hold my hands up, conceding my wrong yet trying to defend myself to some invisible prosecutor.
Don’t worry, I’m not really a civilised person, I tell them. This is just a temporary sham. I’m still the same Tiger who once yelled at a six-year old Bomber and gave the finger to a family of Blues whose only blame was to be slightly high-pitched in their barracking.
Maybe I should go to the MCC more often.
The Tigers are a basket case early as the Pies catch us out of position with slick ball movement and strong marking. James Aish actually looks worth his team bus fare. They kick the first four.
I pass the time imagining I’m a Roman noble up in the Gods of the Coliseum staring out over the peasants. The delusion is somewhat spoiled every time I have a sip of my lemon lime and bitters, which was most assuredly not Caesar’s poison of choice.
By half time the Maggies have let us back in it by eschewing their fast, hard style for an attempt at the record for most handballs aimed behind the player running past.
Ty Vickery has kicked a couple, Trent Cotchin is winning hard ball with a vengeance and Oleg Markov – who I named my Supercoach team after because we will never see another Oleg play in the AFL – is maintaining the flying start to his career. We have a two goal lead at the final change. An identical situation to the unlosable won we lost in Round 2. Things are not boding well.
I’m getting quite used to the glorious view from the Members’ Wing. And the smooth oak panels and immaculate glass behind me are as aesthetically pleasing as anything in front of me. Christ, is something wrong with me? Or right?
I’m also starting to sweat as an hour of heavily filtered supporting takes its toll. I order another bitters and drain it in one steady tilt of the wrist. The lines are shorter here, the drinks better. I still don’t know if an MCC membership is worth the dough, but scabbing a guest pass off your cousin, for her birthday, certainly is.
Collingwood snatch the lead halfway through the quarter and then flood their forward line. It’s a heavy-handed display of faith in their midfield that leaves our forwards with a good sized property of space each. Sam Lloyd, Jack Riewoldt and Brandon Ellis all goal and we’ve won that most Richmond of victories: the misleading late-season dead rubber. Two rats fighting over the sinking ship.
With the girls cackling and babbling happily and Therese quietly negating the home stretch of her daughter’s 18th, we pass a knot of bitter Magpies reeking of the salt-of-the-earth fundamentals of Australian Rules. I don’t rip into them or give them the bird because that would be most unbecoming of a man who has spent a splendid evening in fine company in the MCC Members’ Dining Room.
I should go to the MCC more often. It might help me.
Callum O'Connor is a VFL Women's reporter, Richmond supoorter and beanie wearer.
Match Summary
RICHMOND 3.0 7.3 10.7 14.8 (92)COLLINGWOOD 5.2 6.3 8.7 11.11 (77)
GOALS
Richmond: Riewoldt 4, Vickery 2, Moore, Marcon, Grigg, Drummond, Martin, Rioli, Ellis, Lloyd
Collingwood: Cox 2, Aish 2, Adams, Cloke, Crocker, Varcoe, Wills, Pendlebury, White
BEST
Richmond: Rance, Martin, Grigg, Cotchin, Markov, Riewoldt, Miles
Collingwood: Crisp, Sidebottom, Aish, Adams, Grundy, Howe
INJURIES
Richmond: Nil
Collingwood: Cox (shoulder), Pendlebury (left ankle)
Reports: Nil
Umpires: Dalgleish, Harris, Jeffery
Official crowd: 49,122 at the MCG