Melbourne has been in the throes of a cold snap all week.
Joni Mitchell once wished that she had a river she could skate away on. When I listen to this song, this sentiment strikes me as uniquely Canadian, one which is unlikely to resonate in this country.
Aussies are more Beach Boys than Joni Mitchell, yearning for Brian Wilson’s sun-drenched sands, not Joni’s frozen rivers! Nonetheless, it is so cold that I contemplate donning the blades and skating along the Yarra to the MCG.
Sensibly, I opt for the warmth of a train carriage. I amuse myself by counting all The North Face and Kathmandu puffy parkas, no quick task, as we roll in comfort towards Yarra Park.
While walking to the MCG I am tempted to climb up and place a warm beanie on KB’s head. As if that sparse comb-over could ever offer enough protection from this weather. Fact is, no one would object if the two teams ran out wearing beanies. At least their ears would be warm!
The banners do not flap in the biting wind the way they usually do. Has the crepe paper frozen? Will it tear or simply shatter into icy shards as the players run through, sparkling in the lights against the backdrop of this grey Melbourne day?
The Tigers are wet weather specialists and rain is pelting down. The ball is like a bar of soap. `Scissorhands' Shaun Edwards, playing in his 250th game, immediately takes three intercept marks under pressure, handling the wet ball so cleanly it appears dry.
Carlton fight hard to stay in touch, but the more skilful Tigers hold sway early. At the first break they have scored all the goals. Jack and Tom have both been dangerous and Nick Vlastuin controls the game from defence. One of our defenders always does.
Jack Graham is the story of the first half. He barges through the Carlton defence repeatedly, using his bulk and strength to score four consecutive goals and lay nine tackles before the long break. Young and inexperienced, his first breakout game was in the 2017 Grand Final. This is his second.
In the dying minutes of the half, just before the Auskick kids are due to come out so they can shiver on the MCG for a few minutes, the Blues record their first goal for the game.
Miraculously, splintered sunlight makes occasional appearances throughout the afternoon. During these brief periods, the Blues handle the ball more cleanly and mount several spirited charges, fighting hard to stay in the game.
Their former captain, Marc Murphy winds the clock back to kick a banana goal from the dead pocket. In defence, Liam Jones asserts his dominance over Jack Riewoldt. Tom Lynch kicks poorly at goal, squandering opportunities. The game tightens.
Caretaker coach David Teague has freed up his charges in recent weeks and, consequently, they have become far more difficult to beat. They inch their way back and begin to cast a shadow over their more fancied opponents. The game is played with intensity until the dying minutes when the Tigers land two decisive blows, finally settling the matter.
There is much to like about this Carton team but Richmond have been workmanlike again today, keeping their dream of a top four finish alive. With games to come against West Coast and Brisbane before the Finals, they now enter the trickiest phase of their season, one where a fair slice of luck will be needed.
Stakes are high for the Tigers. The Blues will lick their wounds until Round 1 next season.
RICHMOND 3.2 6.4 8.6 11.7 (73)
CARLTON 0.2 1.6 4.6 6.9 (45)
GOALS
Richmond: Graham 4, Lynch 2, Riewoldt 2, Edwards, Caddy, Castagna
Carlton: McGovern 2, Kreuzer, Murphy, Casboult, Gibbons
BEST
Richmond: Prestia, Edwards, Vlastuin, Lambert, Graham
Carlton: Cripps, Simpson, Thomas, Petrevski-Seton, Silvagni
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Joe De Petro is a Financial Planner and life-long Tiger tragic who has raised his three adult children as diehard Tiger fans. In some circles (particularly in the time before 2017), the last of these things is considered an act of cruelty.